Irrelevance in a Social World

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Darkness and Hope - Photo by Andrei Lazarev
Photo by Andrei Lazarev

Before we begin, the pain we are about to speak of has great solutions and those solutions are amazing and they actually work. The problem is that it can be quite hard to bring yourself out of a downward spiral sometimes. Keep in mind this post is designed to acknowledge some of the pain that is going to be spoken of, but it doesn’t not mean that if it occurs all hope is lost. There is always a way, and there is always tomorrow.

There are many painful things life can throw at us. It can be physical pain such as being hurt in some form or another, or perhaps it could be emotional betrayal such as not getting the job knowing you were the right person for it, or friends not inviting you to something that they all went to.

But there is one thing that seems to be the most painful and can become somewhat unforgivable sometimes, whether you deserved it or not. And it can stay with you for a long time forcing you to rethink and double think about every interaction you have or have had and whether the next person is going to end up doing the same thing to you.

Words.

Sometimes things said are painful to the point of wanting to recoil from humanity itself. That you just never want to deal with another human being again due to the fear of being on the receiving end of such painful words again. Sometimes peoples shortsightedness can cause them to hurt someone else, either accidentally or maliciously. Or sometimes people are just far too concerned about their personal gain, that they are willing to say anything to get that thing they want. Which often always is the cause of someone else being on the receiving end of the ‘saying whatever was needed’.

This is the part where perspective can help. Once you realize peoples true reasons for saying hurtful things, they are no longer hurtful because you come to realize how superficial they are. Designed to illicit and emotional response for the gain of personal pleasure due to feeling mostly miserable on the inside. I’ve been on the receiving end of such hurtful words. You see after 9/11, things weren’t the same for people who look the way I do, unfortunately.

Many painful things were said due to people being so naive, that they were actually angry at me for being the ‘same kind of race’ as those who would crash a plane into a building and kill over 4000 people. (I so badly want to go on a rant about the fact that we are one ‘race’, but we shall leave that for another time.) Some of them would even just attack me in snarky ways just for the show of status that they didn’t approve of someone who looked like me so they can be never be seen as someone who is accepting, because they know full well that I’m not one to hurt others. But they had to show others that they were the same as everyone else and say hurtful things, because that is what everyone else is doing. You don’t want to standout when the masses are out for blood. Or tears.

I’m 100% immune to such things now. Those kind of words can’t hurt me anymore, because as I grew older I began to realize how much people like that had to hate themselves, that they would let go of their humanity in order to say hurtful and spiteful things in order to fit in. In order to be seen as one of the pack. It made me mostly sad for them. Little did I know, that I was about to have troubles of my own that I should have been worried about instead, because I didn’t keep myself and my fears in check.

During my adult life I had become aware of what others were saying about me and it forced me to change my entire identity so that I could do both a physical and mental reboot. I had to change everything. From the way I approached tasks and projects to the way I spoke. I had to re-brand. I had to re-create myself in order to become the very thing I had always imagined myself to be in my own heroic stories.

The worst thing that can be said about me, has already been said. That I was just a talker, and not a doer. And while I have recovered from this, this is something that I would never want anyone to be able to say about me, ever again.

The reason this was such a hurtful thing was that I began to realize just how lazy and fearful I was. To talk loudly about all the things I wanted to do, and that I was going to do, but never did. It wasn’t that I was being fake about it. Although that is what everyone thought because people who normally do this, do it for the attention. But for me it was pure fear. I’d get started on the project and then abandon it when I realized that I was too scared of what people were going to say and think about it.

But at the end of the day, it didn’t matter to others. They had no way of knowing what was going on in my mind, and they didn’t care to find out. They just automatically assumed that I was only a talker, and not a doer. The worst thing about this situation, was that people just began to ignore me and the things I felt truly excited about. They began assuming that nothing would come of the things that would cause me to have fire in my soul. And they were mostly correct. Just not as to the why of it.

There are too many people in this world who talk about doing something, and not enough people who actually do the things they talk about. And I fell into the same trap even though my reasons for falling in where vastly different then just seeking attention. But here is the kicker; it didn’t matter how true what I had to say was, or how it came to be that way. The world continued to move on and I was getting left behind. And I had to change that fast!

There is something worse then the worst pain you can think of. The reason for this is, even in physical pain you mean something to someone doing the hurting. Even if someone were to hurt you emotionally, it means you became an easy target to offload on and therefore you’re doing the world a favor by letting yourself be a target so that no one else is, as long as that is temporary; no one needs that shit for life and no one has to take it for long. It will be unavoidable at times, but it doesn’t mean you have to let it continue.

However, to be considered such a talker and not a doer, to the point that you become irrelevant? Not even worth the time to be taken seriously until one day it is as if you don’t even exist? To find that the people whom once used to care about you have abandoned you because you chose to not have enough respect for yourself to allow yourself to only talk and not do, that they began to treat you in the same manner?

That, in my opinion is the worst thing that can happen to such a social creature as a human being. And the path to such irrelevance begins with being able to see you as only a talker and that word beginning to spread. That is about the worse thing anyone can say to anyone, let alone just me, whether it is a true statement or not. If not true, that statement can destroy lives due to people’s automatic recoil at such a behavior. And if it is true? Then that person has some serious thinking to do about the kind of person they want to be seen as.

Hurtful words and social irrelevance are more hurtful because they tend to use language in order to be conveyed, which is then translated and understood through experience and time. And since it uses the mind which can become our own worst enemy, it may as well have been yelled into a never ending echo-chamber. And for this reason when some thing negatively resonates with us, we tend to carry it, just as we do with the positive experiences. The solution?

Don’t tell.

Show.

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